Control vs. Influence: How Christ Loves Us

One of the most moving, and revelatory verses of scripture is found in the first epistle of John: "We love Him, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19) How does Christ love? What are the ways that He manifests love to us that are so compelling that millions and millions of people revere Him as their Lord and Savior? Can we raise our level of loving by examining and emulating His?

John has much to teach us about this. These epistles are thought to be the latest of the New Testament documents, and here John is already addressing the doctrinal drift that occurred in the years after the apostles died. The drift was away from a belief in the literal death and resurrection of Jesus, and toward a fuzzy yet dangerous idea that everything about the body was bad. Thus, the spiritual component of Christ's being must be emphasized and worshipped, and everything that testified of Him as a corporeal being, both before and after death, must be avoided. John describes the anti-Christ as anyone who denies the literal resurrection of Jesus, and reminds us that he is a living witness of that reality; he had handled and seen the resurrected Lord.

Learning to Love as Christ Loves

Given the environment in which he found himself it is interesting that John would choose to fill his few chapters, not with a doctrinal discourse about these issues, but about the love of God. "God is love," he says simply, and says it over and over. And then these insightful words: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18) What does love look like when it is mixed with fear? It may include such elements as manipulation, blame, criticism, contention, etc. When we take the element of fear out of love, when our love is given freely and without condition, these elements tend to disappear, and be replaced by mutual respect, harmony and forgiveness.

Jesus used several telling metaphors to describe the way that He loved. He described himself, for example, as a mother hen, gathering her chicks under her wings. (Hard to imagine him in the role of rooster.) He also used the image of the shepherd, one who knows each lamb by name, and whose voice they recognize and trust. Who knows your voice? Our family members and close friends might constitute our "flock." How do we interact with those closest to us? Is our love manifested more through control or influence? 

The word "control" comes from the Latin contra or against, and rotula or to roll, as in rolling something up a hill. The word "influence" comes from the Latin influentia meaning to flow into. (Fluid and fluency are related words.) At some point we realize the impossibility of controlling those around us, even in small ways. People can always tell when we have a hidden agenda! Perhaps we should concentrate instead on increasing the influence we have in others' lives. Prayer, faith, encouragement, and above all, the pure love that comes as a gift from the Savior, can do more to help and heal others than all of the solutions we might suggest. 

As my children grew to adulthood I spent a lot of time thinking about how to love them in our new roles. In other words, I began to learn the difference between control and influence. I was assigned to address a women's conference on parenting, and I distilled all of those thoughts into a paper that I offer as a Mother's Day gift to you. God is love, yet we are very human. As we learn to love without condition, we draw closer to Him, and bless the lives of those around us. So it's worth trying to take it up a notch, don't you think?

If anything in this paper is useful to you, I'll be glad, and wish you all a happy Mother's Day.

Control vs. Influence: Helping Children Come to Christ

Suffering for Christ's Sake

"Peter penned the most sublime language of any of the apostles." Thus said Joseph Smith, and a close look at these letters reveals a deep doctrinal message as well as a sophisticated rhetorical style. Peter addresses these epistles to the converts that Paul baptized in Asia Minor, who were facing a difficult situation. His main theme is the value of suffering for Christ's sake.

Early Christians quickly became objects of persecution for several reasons. Because Christians met in the evenings, called each other brother and sister, and greeted each other with a kiss, their neighbors mistrusted them and suspected them of secret conspiracies. Their refusal to honor the local deities made them easy scapegoats any time there was a natural or even man-made disaster. (Nero blamed them for the burning of Jerusalem, when in all probability he started the fire to clear space for a new palace.) Their odd beliefs, especially their representation of the sacrament as literal manifestations of the blood and body of Jesus, made them vulnerable to accusations that ranged from incest to cannibalism. In some instances, merely to acknowledge oneself as Christian meant certain death. Peter confronts this terrifying reality by recalling the suffering of Jesus in a stirring homily.

As Christians, what are we willing to suffer for righteousness' sake? The lesson here is, perhaps, to act is such a way that we do not bring persecution upon ourselves, but when the challenge comes, to be ready to respond with quiet courage. "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)

Heaven is For Real

Peter refers, almost in passing, to a marvelous occurrence, the Savior's mission to the world of spirits during his three days in the tomb: "By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison…" (1 Peter 3:19) Through modern revelation (especially D & C 138) we know much more about this question that is perhaps the most interesting to every person living, namely, where do we go after we die? Many experiences have been recorded of interaction between those who have died and those who are about to do so, or "near-death" experiences. One that is quite moving was recorded by Wilford Woodruff. After his young wife Phoebe passed away, he was inspired to administer to her and rebuke the power of death. He wrote of the incident:

“Her spirit returned to her body, and from that hour she was made whole; and we all felt to praise the name of God, and to trust in Him and to keep His commandments.

“While this operation was going on with me (as my wife related afterwards) her spirit left her body, and she saw it lying upon the bed, and the sisters weeping. She looked at them and at me, and upon her babe, and, while gazing upon this scene, two personages came into the room … One of these messengers informed her that she could have her choice: she might go to rest in the spirit world, or, on one condition she could have the privilege of returning to her tabernacle and continuing her labors upon the earth. The condition was, if she felt that she could stand by her husband, and with him pass through all the cares, trials, tribulations and afflictions of life which he would be called to pass through for the gospel’s sake unto the end. When she looked at the situation of her husband and child she said: ‘Yes, I will do it!’

“At the moment that decision was made the power of faith rested upon me, and when I administered unto her, her spirit entered her tabernacle …” (Leaves From My Journal, 4th ed., The Deseret News, 1909, pp. 59–60.)

We chose to be here, we each have a mission to fulfill, and we are not alone in this world. We are surrounded by helpers who know us and love us, and assist the Savior in leading us home. Peter takes this as his premise, and he encourages us to face our trials with courage and grace. "Happy are ye," he says, "if ye suffer for righteousness' sake."